If there's one thing everyone knows, it's that dragons – much like ninjas, pirates and ninja-pirates – are inherently awesome. Sure, you can make them purple or put them in rubbish films with Dennis Quaid, but it takes a fairly concerted effort to make them suck. This isn't to say that people aren't constantly making that effort, which brings us to Eragon. Based on the novel by young author Christopher Paolini, Eragon tells the tale of a teenage farmhand turned last of the dragon-riders. The novel, which was reasonably successful, was turned into a big-budget movie that was much less successful. The inevitable film-to-game translation, meanwhile, succeeds only at being even less successful again.

As a game, Eragon shares a lot in common with EA's fantastic Lord of the Rings action-adventure titles: it follows the plot of the film fairly closely and replays and expands upon certain scenes. Rather than elevating some minor character into the lead role, you get to play as Eragon for most of the game, with co-op players relegated to the second fiddle role of whoever is accompanying Eragon in that particular mission. The game also features a fixed camera perspective which, as is so often the case, is more likely to annoy you than anything else.

Unlike EA's fantastic Lord of the Rings games however, Eragon sucks. Generally in a review that sort of statement would be qualified, quantified and otherwise cushioned, but in the case of Eragon, it really is just a turd of a game. So you can stop reading right now if you'd like and just skim down to the score, nod knowingly, and never think about this game again. If, for some reason, you would like to know more, then read on...

Combat makes up the vast bulk of the Eragon experience, be it melee, ranged, magical or on the back of his dragon companion, Saphira. This is at odds with the film which has a lot less combat, but it's a necessary evil for film-to-game conversions and is something that, when handled well, doesn't even become an issue. Where the Lord of the Rings games managed to blend accessibility and depth with an authentic feel, Eragon opts solely for simplicity, and the net result is one of the most boring brawlers around.

To begin with, Eragon does away with any kind of RPG elements or customisation – new powers or incremental increases are doled out simply upon completing a mission. Eragon's range of moves is utterly inane, including tackles, grabs and virtually anything that avoids gruesome swordplay that could earn an MA15+ rating. Sure, there's a couple of decent sword attacks, but you almost feel like the game wishes it could give you a padded stick and for enemies to ‘faint' rather than anything more fatal.

Not that it really matters though; all you'll be doing is mashing A and B, and occasionally X to block, while praying you don't accidentally initiate a grab attack that takes forever for the animation to finish. Ranged combat is even worse, featuring a lock-on bow attack that Eragon can rapid-fire by spamming one button until the enemy dies...and if that's too much effort, just hold the button down until the controller vibrates for a one-shot kill. Yawn. Magic can liven things up a little, but aside from scripted uses, a jedi-style push/pull move is about the extent of your abilities here.

Boring-as-hell combat could almost be excused if there was some other reason to be playing the game, but there isn't. You see, there's no real scope for exploration; Eragon and co just plod along through tunnel-like levels with no real freedom, and nothing to do besides search for one "hidden” egg that is usually in plain sight to unlock bonus material. So other than keeping an eye open for that fluoro-blue "hidden” egg, there's no incentive to explore at all. And given that the game doesn't reward you for chaining moves into combos or being creative, Eragon feels a lot more like a chore than it does a fun piece of entertainment.

By now you probably won't be shocked to discover that not only does Eragon play poorly, but it also looks poverty-stricken too. Given the title's cross-platform nature it's an unfortunate reality that the game isn't going to look too crash hot, but for Eragon the bland visuals, simple models and uninspired backdrops is just the final nail in a coffin of insults.

Aurally, things don't get much better. Some of the cast voice their characters but there's virtually nothing for them to work with given that the dialogue here makes the Eragon film seem like a Shakesperian masterpiece. Combat effects are about as generic as they get, and the soundtrack is blissfully forgettable. The Xbox 360 version boasts two extra levels and a bonus boss battle, but this feels more like a punishment than a reward for picking up the game. Ultimately, the 1000 easy Gamerscore points are about the only thing of interest here for most people, and even they aren't worth the heartache of enduring this game.