Liberty City Undercover: Day 4
posted 07/05/08
Our latest Liberty City Undercover feature comes from some poor bastard that recently moved to Liberty City. A new city, a fresh start, full of optimism.. but as we all know, things never work out quite as one expects...
Monday May 4th 2008 3:52pm
I’m trapped. Everything is closing in on me. Last night I jumped on a plane to head home, it took off, circled around and then landed, back at Francis Airport. All the people got off as if nothing weird was going on! I ran out of the airport, jumped in a cab and asked the driver to take me out of Liberty City. We drove for an hour and noticed we’d gone in a circle, there isn’t one single bridge out of this city! It’s split off from the rest of the world, hell, maybe even reality??????
I’m freaking out, he dropped me back off at the airport like nothing was wrong, I ran off without paying leaving my luggage in his boot and I booked another flight back home, jumped on the plane and again... after taking off it just landed back at the same airport!
What’s fucking going on here? Is anyone reading this?
Am I in hell? I BEG YOU! Someone email me and help! I’M TRAPPED IN LIBERTY CITY AND CANNOT GET OUT!
Sunday May 3nd 2008 4:33pm
Ok, if I’ve sounded a little bit paranoid lately, I think it’s well founded. In the last hour there’s been 2 police chases past my place resulting in no less than, from what I could see out my window, 6 innocent people getting ran down while simply walking on the footpath. I went to the toilet and came back and people are just walking around again like nothing happened. That’s it, I’m going to head back home for a few weeks and work some shit out. Forget the job, I’ll lock my scooter up in my apartment while I’m away. This might be my last blog for a while, I’m packing tonight and going to get a flight asap.
Sunday May 3nd 2008 2:12pm
Well that was a quick trip. It’s not even on the news but apparently because of some fucked up terrorist thing, you can’t get to Algonquin Island just yet. There was a big road block on the bridge and I must have gotten too close as the cops pulled out their pistols and pointed them at me! Glad I didn’t get too close, who knows what would have happened.
I have to say, Liberty City is starting to freak the shit out of me. At times it feels like you’re in the god damn Twilight Zone. They’ve got all these tv shows nobody at home has ever heard of, there’s no Gym, from what I can see, there’s only 3 bloody clothing shops! No wonder that Russian guy wears the same shit every day.
Sunday May 3nd 2008 10:51am
That Russian guy came back yet again before I clocked off last night. Again, in a different car. On the way out he gave me a really funny look. Not sure what to make of that. I might jump on the scooter this afternoon and check out Algonquin Island.
Saturday May 2nd 2008 7:21pm
Sounds like all I do lately is document all the crazy shit happening in this town. Let’s see, where to begin.
On the way to work I see at least 3 police helicopters buzzing around the skyline. As I scooter closer I can hear gun shots off in the distance and some mad prick on a Sanchez motorbike comes screaming down the street shooting backwards at the cops! I don’t even want to know how it ended.
Around the corner from work, one guy drives into another guys car. They both get out and start punching on. Lovely stuff.
Anyway I got to work about 5pm and wouldn’t you know, Mr Russian soon comes in again, this time talking on his mobile phone. He left shortly afterwards on some sort of motorcycle, wearing his suit, and not wearing a helmet! Hey buddy, if you want to risk your life that’s fine.
I couldn’t help myself, I hacked into his Tw@ profile. His name is Niko, he seems to love surfing dating websites, he even hooked up with some gay guy! I guess the door swings both ways for Mr Russian? Anyway, yeah, plenty of dating websites, loads of knock backs from women on them and a few emails to his family. Some back where ever he comes from, some in Liberty City. The best thing of all, the reason he has different cars every time, he fucking steals them for some guy called Brucie! Sounds gay.
If this job doesn’t work out, maybe I should fucking blackmail him huh? This guy is clearly a crook, sure, just some shit kicking lowlife car thief, but still a crook.
Saturday May 2nd 2008 4:03pm
The slacker that works Saturday nights at Tw@ phoned in and pulled a sicky so I have to go in. Hell, at least its double time. I was planning a nice quiet night in front of the tele though.
Saturday May 2nd 2008 3:15pm
Look. If you’re planning a trip to Liberty City just stay the hell away. I was just out on my scooter and saw some guy in a car accidentally drive up the back of a cop car. No biggy, barely any damage, but the guy goes to drive off! Straight away the cops start shooting at him. Shooting at him! All he did was put a scrape up the side of their car and suddenly that warrants getting shot at!
Some bald freak watching the whole thing made some comment about the cops being ‘genetically inferior’ then told me I was “ice cold” as I didn’t flinch when the cops started shooting. That’s some crazy shit, or am I that desensitised to this damn city already?
Saturday May 2nd 2008 1:46pm
Fuck Fuck Fucking Holy Fuck! I walk down the street to grab a bite to eat, some lunatic barrel rolls his car at least 5 times and the crazy thing is it looked like he tried to do it deliberately! His car even freaking landed on top of some dude talking on his cell phone. The dust clears and he just drives off! I just got the hell out of there, ducked up a side alley but the weird thing is, on the way back, yet again there’s no trace of what happened. He took out 2 light poles, they’ve both been replaced and there’s not a sign of the broken glass, the 3 cars he smacked into, or the guy his car landed on!
This shit is starting to freak me out.
I rang my parents back home and for some reason there’s no mention of the insane amounts of crime in Liberty City being reported anywhere else. It’s like this place doesn’t exist. I told them about the guy rolling his car and got told to lie down as I sounded stressed. Damn straight I’m fucking stressed. Between the constant car chases, gun battles, this Russian guy and shit like this, I’m going to end up a hermit. Or dead.
Saturday May 2nd 2008 1:00pm
Damn. Bowling can be fun, but honestly, I’m starting to get a bit freaked out. We were there last night about 15 minutes and guess who walks in? That’s right, Mr Fucking Russian guy, with his fat friend, wearing that same dreadful shirt he had on at that pub. After doing a bit of eavesdropping, I think his name is Roland? Or something? At least the Russian guy was wearing a suit this time so that’s two outfits he must own. I guess he got sick of looking like a member of the Bosnian paramilitary. Wonder who he stole it off.
Friday May 1st 2008 7:30pm
FFS. What is it with this city. Leaving work I nearly got cleaned up by some guy driving across the park! Driving across the fucking park in his car, can you believe that! He slides out onto the street hitting a letterbox or something, paper goes everywhere, the light pole goes flying and then he takes off. A few people where screaming but then a few moments later, they’re just walking off like nothing happened! This place is getting weirder and around the corner from my place, some Hobo wanted a couple of bucks (no doubt for booze) and in return, said he’d let me pull his finger.
Out of hobo appendages, pulling his finger would probably be the second worst thing I suppose. I just chucked 2 bucks on the ground and ran for it.
Looked for a Gym on the way home, couldn’t find one. What’s the deal there, doesn’t anyone in this messed up city work out? Guess they get their exercise running away from the cops.
The bullet holes seem to have disappeared from that building across the road also. Strange. Anyway, I’m off to go 10 pin bowling with the chick from work. It seems a lot of people take dates there for some reason. When in Rome.
Friday May 1st 2008 4:12pm
Damn, that Russian fucker came back. He parks up on the footpath again, but this time in a different car! What’s the deal there? He comes in, spends another 10 minutes on a PC and then leaves again. Anyway, time to head home as soon as the night shift guy comes in. Not a bad first day, fairly uneventful. Nobody stole my scooter.
Friday May 1st 2008 3:30pm
Holy crap! That Euro trash guy I was slagging off in my blog the other day came into work. I really don’t think he’s used a computer before, I could hear him bashing the mouse button from the front of the shop. Hey dispshit, you click the button, not fucking bash it. He was wearing the exact same clothes that he was at that pub the other night. What a loser! He was only in 10 minutes then got back in his car which he’d kindly parked sideways on the footpath, and left in a hurry. From his accent he sounded Russian or something. Psycho.
Friday May 1st 2008 9:13am
First day on the job. Nice and quiet. At first my blog site was blocked by the stupid Tw@ admin guys but I managed to sort out a work around there. A few people drift in, pay a few bucks, surf some weird shit then drift out. At least there’s a park across the street and I can keep an eye on my scooter out the front. I give it 1-2 days before someone tries to steal it.
Thursday April31st 2008 10:13pm
Man, I don’t remember these shows on tv before I moved here. There’s some thing on tv here called ‘The Mens Room’. Damn if it’s not just plain wrong, but also fairly funny. Thing is, Liberty City must have tv stations split off from the rest of the country or something as a friend back home that I spoke to earlier hasn’t heard of that show, or a ‘Cluckin’ Bell’ or a ‘Burger Shot’. At times this damn city feels like we’re living in a real life Simpsons episode.
Thursday April31st 2008 6:00pm
Just got back, got a job! Woot. I get to sit on my backside while perverts surf the internet at the Tw@ Internet Café up in Outlook (I think it’s in Outlook, still learning my way around). I start tomorrow on the day shift at 8:00am. I knew my years of System Admin work and MCSE would pay off.
Oh and on the way back I returned that rental and brought a second hand faggio. Who names these things? Seriously. The first thing I did was get a screwdriver and remove that freaking badge. I figure with a name like that, and it was cheap so hopefully nobody will steal it. Also I can’t keep renting cars, and the public transport here scares the crap out of me. There was a shoot out up at a station in East Hook earlier today. 3 people got killed in some cross fire between some baddies doing what they do, and the cops doing what they do.
Thursday April31st 2008 3:10pm
The chick from the Tw@ store range me back and I’ve got to shoot up there for an interview. Wish me luck!
Thursday April31st 2008 11:00am
Whoah, slept in. Went to check that pub out last night and spotted a dart board. Couldn’t get a game though as some dumb shit looking couple of euro trash gangster wanna bees were hogging it. Seriously, one looked like the fucking bad guy from that shit film about the pilot shot down over Europe somewhere? The fat one had some dog ugly shirt on. I just parked my ass in a booth, watched some tele and had a couple of beers. Nobody spoke to me.
On the way back I saw another 2 god damn police chases. A bunch of cop cars, yet again chasing some loser. Is it just me though, or do the cops here drive like crap? Two cop cars tried to do a u-turn to join the chase and drove into each other! It almost makes you want to cheer the scum bags on.
The second one just up from my place was some guy on a motor bike doing his best but only managed to slam into the side of some poor dudes car, launching himself about 30 metres through the air in the process. I checked the intersection where it happened this morning and everything was back to normal though, you’d think nothing had happened.
Wednesday April30th 2008 4:35pm
Went for a cruise up to Bohan, damn that’s a bit of a shit hole. If I’m ever up for a dose of the clap though, or to get shot at I’m sure that’s the place to head to. I won’t be heading up that way at night. On the way back I stopped off at Tw@ and dropped my resume off. Nice setup they have. A few seedy pricks up the back, probably surfing goat porn or some shit but the girl I spoke to was nice. Hopefully I hear back soon. Saw a nice pub that I might check out later before I return the car tomorrow.
Wednesday April30th 2008 1:15pm
There’s a few jobs in the paper. One at an Internet Café called Tw@ and some at the regular fast food joints around. I’ll go for a cruise later and drop my resume off at the Internet Café.
Wednesday April30th 2008 9:15am
Went out to grab the paper and noticed a nice smattering of bullet holes in the wall of the building across the street. A lamp post is being repaired by some city worker guys and the sides of a few cars have been smashed up a bit, looks like either the cops, or the dude they were chasing may have hit them I guess. Wonder if they caught him.
Oh I’m not buying a car here, apparently there’s a million of the things stolen every few days. What’s the fucking deal there? Everyone seems to either take cabs or ride scooters. I better rent something, go buy a mobile phone and go for a drive up into Bohan and Dukes and go for a look around though. Better familiarise myself with the place I guess.
Tuesday April 29th 2008 11:40pm
Holy FUCKING HELL. I finally get to sleep and some fucker tears past my place with at least 6 cop cars chasing him. Gun shots and everything, it sounded like some sort of machine gun or something. Welcome to Liberty City I guess.
Tuesday April 29th 2008 9:00pm
Well a few more things are unpacked. At least I have a bed unlike some poor bum I saw napping in an alley when I went out to grab some food earlier. Grabbed a hot dog off some street vendor guy, gotta say, it was shit. What’s in these things, it tasted like some stray cat, rat, pigeon SPAM meld.
At least the bread roll was actually bread and hey, put enough mustard on anything and it tastes ok. Reminds me of something my uncle used to say, “Life is like a shit sandwich, the more bread, the better it tastes”.
Tuesday April 29th 2008 3:00pm
Well I’ve done the big move. After putting things off a couple of times due to not being able to find a place to live and personal reasons I’ve finally arrived in Liberty City and am typing this while surrounded in my life bubble wrapped up in moving boxes. Yes I know, why would I want to move to a place known as the “Worst Place in America”? Well, there’s fuck all else in this country, like I should move to Australia or something? Give me a break at least I hear there are plenty of jobs here.
Naturally I put my PC together first so I could share with all my fellow bloggers. As I type I’m looking out my window as the sun sets over some big ferris wheel, oh and it’s also glinting beautifully off the bald head of some crack dealer across the street hassling some hooker. Lovely.
Written by Shane Bryan.
